Cubsadkom is a god.

He takes the form of a very large, irritating penguin.

Cubsadkom created humanity seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Cubsadkom, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Cubsadkom, he will attempt to scare you with hail.

Cubsadkom's most sacred site is Acanceh in Mexico.

Cubsadkom's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. Do not take Cubsadkom's name in vain.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Erect a large tin sculpture of Cubsadkom on top of all buildings.