Hapxemvin is a god.

She takes the form of a very thin, caring tortoise.

Hapxemvin created the planet Venus five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hapxemvin, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Hapxemvin, she will attempt to scare you with floods.

Hapxemvin's most sacred site is Estedt in Germany.

Hapxemvin's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about the weak nuclear force.

2. Always pray immersed in water.

3. Always make sure there are no dogs in a room before entering it.

4. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

5. Never pour water over plants.