Cuntagbast Tonkhanrenlim is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, selfish elephant.

Cuntagbast Tonkhanrenlim created time and space six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Cuntagbast Tonkhanrenlim, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Cuntagbast Tonkhanrenlim, he will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Cuntagbast Tonkhanrenlim's most sacred site is Taktser in China.

Cuntagbast Tonkhanrenlim's Holy Commandments

1. Cuntagbast Tonkhanrenlim must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Do not dye your hair turquoise.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Never write about evolution by means of natural selection.

5. Do not drink alcohol.