Fontenfab is a god.

It takes the form of a plump, overgenerous shark.

Fontenfab created viruses four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Fontenfab, it will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Fontenfab, it will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Fontenfab's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Fontenfab's Holy Commandments

1. Always stare at clouds.

2. Run away if seven porpoises approach from the west.

3. Do not kill frogs.

4. Never wear yellow scarves.

5. Never talk about horses.