Arfsafflap is a god.

She takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, flying mink.

Arfsafflap created an up quark nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Arfsafflap, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Arfsafflap, she will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Arfsafflap's most sacred site is Zhelaizhai in China.

Arfsafflap's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least four thousand metres per day.

2. Do not dye your hair white.

3. Look mercifully on unfortunate whales.

4. Never think ill of sick nematodes.

5. Do not speak about gooseberries.