Hatjapnan is a god.

It takes the form of a very large, fussy unicorn.

Hatjapnan created gold five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hatjapnan, it will not care.

If you do not believe in Hatjapnan, it will laugh at you.

Hatjapnan's most sacred site is Quellendorf in Germany.

Hatjapnan's Holy Commandments

1. Fast once a month.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

4. Always look after injured manatees.

5. Do not drink alcohol.