Stafhenjab is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, pitiless gorilla.

Stafhenjab created a charm quark four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Stafhenjab, she will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Stafhenjab, she will remove you from existence.

Stafhenjab's most sacred site is Diebzig in Germany.

Stafhenjab's Holy Commandments

1. Never bounce near cats.

2. Retreat if four rats approach from the south.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Stafhenjab.

4. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Stafhenjab.

5. Never paint your neck yellow.