Dontuncuss is a god.

She takes the form of a large, fast snail.

Dontuncuss created light six billion years ago.

If you believe in Dontuncuss, she will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Dontuncuss, she will make you grow a tail.

Dontuncuss' most sacred site is Taktser in China.

Dontuncuss' Holy Commandments

1. Never go into white rooms.

2. Never think about nebulae.

3. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

4. Put Dontuncuss first in all things.

5. Always obey Dontuncuss' priests.