Tarsawban is a god.

He takes the form of a thin, competent eagle.

Tarsawban created Africa nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tarsawban, he will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Tarsawban, he will turn you into a slug.

Tarsawban's most sacred site is Hetta in Finland.

Tarsawban's Holy Commandments

1. Never skip in the presence of doves.

2. Pray towards the east.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Never think about amino acids.

5. Do not fashion models of living things.