Artvanbug is a god.

She takes the form of a blubbery, emotional snail.

Artvanbug created viruses three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Artvanbug, she will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Artvanbug, she will think nothing of it.

Artvanbug's most sacred site is Gomba in Hungary.

Artvanbug's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Artvanbug nine times a day.

2. Never think ill of sick frogs.

3. Never write about horizontal gene transfer.

4. Never feed oranges to aardvarks while wearing mauve rings.

5. Erect a large zinc sculpture of Artvanbug on top of all buildings.