Jopbumjen is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, self-assured rat.

Jopbumjen created carbon three billion years ago.

If you believe in Jopbumjen, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Jopbumjen, she will not care at all.

Jopbumjen's most sacred site is Nakke in Denmark.

Jopbumjen's Holy Commandments

1. Do not eat turnips.

2. Never go into blue rooms.

3. Do not drink alcohol.

4. Never look in ponds.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of tin.