Lapsomtarg is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, unthinking duck.

Lapsomtarg created water eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Lapsomtarg, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Lapsomtarg, he will ignore you.

Lapsomtarg's most sacred site is Metsimotlhabe in Botswana.

Lapsomtarg's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no dolphins in a room before entering it.

2. Do not fashion models of living things.

3. Never feed bananas to great tits while wearing cyan shorts.

4. Never look in ponds.

5. Put Lapsomtarg first in all things.