Japvidcum is a god.

She takes the form of a five hundred metre long, charitable warg.

Japvidcum created tapeworms six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Japvidcum, she will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Japvidcum, she will destroy your favourite solar system.

Japvidcum's most sacred site is Brechfa in Wales.

Japvidcum's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about comets.

2. Never feed strawberries to squirrels while wearing fawn jumpers.

3. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

4. You must love Japvidcum.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.