Bumpigfen is a god.

She takes the form of a microscopic, happy badger.

Bumpigfen created the Cigar Galaxy three billion years ago.

If you believe in Bumpigfen, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Bumpigfen, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Bumpigfen's most sacred site is Artena in Italy.

Bumpigfen's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

4. Run away from red whales, for they are unholy.

5. Never laugh near dogs.