Satxucban is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, duplicitous raccoon.

Satxucban created the planet Jupiter three billion years ago.

If you believe in Satxucban, she will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Satxucban, she will think nothing of it.

Satxucban's most sacred site is Aimala in Finland.

Satxucban's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about horizontal gene transfer.

2. Never write about cell theory.

3. Fast once a month.

4. Show mercy to disobedient children.

5. Never mention turtles.