Tomcandam is a god.

It takes the form of a galaxy-sized, egotistical mongoose.

Tomcandam created the cosmos four years ago.

If you believe in Tomcandam, it will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Tomcandam, it will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Tomcandam's most sacred site is Leps in Germany.

Tomcandam's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak about gooseberries.

2. Erect six titanium sculptures of Tomcandam on top of important buildings.

3. Never eat green fruit.

4. Never sit in the presence of seals.

5. Always take life seriously.