Zenpagfagyart is a god.

She takes the form of a giant, loving gerbil.

Zenpagfagyart created life eight million years ago.

If you believe in Zenpagfagyart, she will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Zenpagfagyart, she will turn you into a rat.

Zenpagfagyart's most sacred site is Tatul in Bulgaria.

Zenpagfagyart's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

2. Tapirs are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Retreat if nine snails approach from the north.

5. Run away if four tortoises approach from the south.