Gutjarndin is a god.

It takes the form of a heavy, merciful pigeon.

Gutjarndin created Asia two million years ago.

If you believe in Gutjarndin, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Gutjarndin, it will ignore you.

Gutjarndin's most sacred site is Camon in France.

Gutjarndin's Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat melons.

2. Never think about the strong nuclear force.

3. Do not make images of living things.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Always help aardvarks.