Gidtettivan is a god.

She takes the form of a very long, compassionate dog.

Gidtettivan created Mount Everest seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gidtettivan, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Gidtettivan, she will ignore you.

Gidtettivan's most sacred site is Corsock in Scotland.

Gidtettivan's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about amino acids.

2. Never mention squirrels.

3. Do not run in public.

4. Never hurt snakes.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.