Komgofjarn is a god.

It takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, loving snail.

Komgofjarn created a top quark five billion years ago.

If you believe in Komgofjarn, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Komgofjarn, it will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Komgofjarn's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Komgofjarn's Holy Commandments

1. Komgofjarn must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Do not wear copper on your body.

3. Always stare at clouds.

4. Erect a large tin sculpture of Komgofjarn on top of all buildings.

5. Never talk about fire.