Arfcusspig is a god.

She takes the form of a minute, overgenerous whale.

Arfcusspig created dark energy eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Arfcusspig, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Arfcusspig, she will ignore you.

Arfcusspig's most sacred site is Yerakini in Greece.

Arfcusspig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat tomatoes.

2. Do not drink water in red rooms.

3. Never eat green fruit.

4. Look mercifully on unfortunate manatees.

5. Feed all hungry rats.