Beptadlad Fartap is a god.

It takes the form of a microscopic, competent jaguar.

Beptadlad Fartap created a photon eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Beptadlad Fartap, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Beptadlad Fartap, it will turn you into a rock.

Beptadlad Fartap's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Beptadlad Fartap's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to music.

2. Do not chop down trees.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Pray towards the north.