Rilpakzan is a god.

She takes the form of a six hundred metre long, awesome rat.

Rilpakzan created Africa two years ago.

If you believe in Rilpakzan, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Rilpakzan, she will ignore you and hope you go away.

Rilpakzan's most sacred site is Dzhanka in Bulgaria.

Rilpakzan's Holy Commandments

1. Worship no other gods but Rilpakzan.

2. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

3. Do not wear silver on your body.

4. Never jump near dogs.

5. Do not listen to heathen tongues.