Nibkimbin is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, dishonest otter.

Nibkimbin created the planet Mars eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Nibkimbin, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Nibkimbin, he will turn you into a duck.

Nibkimbin's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Nibkimbin's Holy Commandments

1. Nibkimbin loves tapirs, so they must be honoured.

2. Always pray immersed in water.

3. Erect nine titanium sculptures of Nibkimbin on top of important buildings.

4. Never talk about the strong nuclear force.

5. Walk at least seven thousand metres per day.