Nabwatzim is a god.

She takes the form of a gargantuan, selfish turtle.

Nabwatzim created Africa three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Nabwatzim, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Nabwatzim, she will turn you into a sheep.

Nabwatzim's most sacred site is Gara in Hungary.

Nabwatzim's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray immersed in water.

2. Never talk about the strong nuclear force.

3. You must pray to Nabwatzim eight times a day.

4. Nabwatzim must be the most important thing in your life.

5. Do not stand on grass.