Sogzanvonk is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly large, quiet gerbil.

Sogzanvonk created Europe four years ago.

If you believe in Sogzanvonk, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Sogzanvonk, she will be very sad.

Sogzanvonk's most sacred site is Xaaga in Mexico.

Sogzanvonk's Holy Commandments

1. Do not commit murder.

2. Never laugh in holy places.

3. Never talk about fire.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Do not dye your hair turquoise.