Flapcidnib is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely small, unthoughtful fly.

Flapcidnib created the Andromeda Galaxy nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Flapcidnib, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Flapcidnib, she will turn you into a puffin.

Flapcidnib's most sacred site is Camon in France.

Flapcidnib's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if five tapirs approach from the east.

2. Do not eat melons.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Do not run in public.

5. Hide if four mites approach from the south.