Tettihinwan is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, wise monkey.

Tettihinwan created Mount Everest three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tettihinwan, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Tettihinwan, he will turn you into a blue tit.

Tettihinwan's most sacred site is Pontelandolfo in Italy.

Tettihinwan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

2. Do not wear silicon on your body.

3. Never talk about grasshopers.

4. Tettihinwan loves geese, so they must be honoured.

5. Never write about galaxies.