Teenjiplarg is a god.

She takes the form of a two thousand metre long, fast wolf.

Teenjiplarg created gold six billion years ago.

If you believe in Teenjiplarg, she will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Teenjiplarg, she will send two she bears to sort you out.

Teenjiplarg's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Teenjiplarg's Holy Commandments

1. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

2. Teenjiplarg loves mice, so they must be respected.

3. You must never eat apples.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

5. Walk at least six thousand metres per day.