Kontikxen is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, stupid squid.

Kontikxen created oxygen four billion years ago.

If you believe in Kontikxen, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Kontikxen, he will strike you with lightening.

Kontikxen's most sacred site is Gorslas in Wales.

Kontikxen's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear titanium on your body.

2. Never eat tomatoes.

3. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

4. Never wear black ear rings.

5. You must love Kontikxen.