Basswotjig is a god.

She takes the form of a huge, witty zebra.

Basswotjig created life three million years ago.

If you believe in Basswotjig, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Basswotjig, she will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Basswotjig's most sacred site is Shengyou in China.

Basswotjig's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat apples.

2. Pray towards the north.

3. Never talk about evolution by means of natural selection.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Basswotjig.

5. Never wear orange tights.