Quatbogkip is a god.

It takes the form of a very large, irritating newt.

Quatbogkip created a photon four million years ago.

If you believe in Quatbogkip, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Quatbogkip, it will be very unhappy.

Quatbogkip's most sacred site is Sirama in Madagascar.

Quatbogkip's Holy Commandments

1. Fast once a month.

2. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Never think ill of sick seals.

5. Never play with disobedient children.