Jippanpad is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, omnipotent gorilla.

Jippanpad created the planet Jupiter three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jippanpad, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Jippanpad, she will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Jippanpad's most sacred site is Dzhanka in Bulgaria.

Jippanpad's Holy Commandments

1. Feed all hungry seals.

2. Do not commit murder.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate moths.

4. Always help snails.

5. Always look after injured ants.