Gupmifren is a god.

It takes the form of a heavy, selfish gnu.

Gupmifren created Africa two billion years ago.

If you believe in Gupmifren, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Gupmifren, it will destroy your home solar system.

Gupmifren's most sacred site is Oppin in Germany.

Gupmifren's Holy Commandments

1. Always help sick aardvarks.

2. Never go into pink rooms.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Never think about the strong nuclear force.