Kipyartquim is a god.

He takes the form of a thin, sage snail.

Kipyartquim created light eight million years ago.

If you believe in Kipyartquim, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Kipyartquim, he will destroy your home solar system.

Kipyartquim's most sacred site is Snipp in Sweden.

Kipyartquim's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about amino acids.

2. Always help sick grasshopers.

3. Do not drink water in green rooms.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Kipyartquim.

5. Always wear gray.