Tomkimwon is a god.

It takes the form of a very heavy, unthinking mouse.

Tomkimwon created a strange quark six billion years ago.

If you believe in Tomkimwon, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Tomkimwon, it will turn you into a rat.

Tomkimwon's most sacred site is Paavola in Finland.

Tomkimwon's Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat grapes.

2. Never feed aubergines to frogs while wearing cyan tights.

3. Do not commit murder.

4. You must pray to Tomkimwon three times a day.

5. Always help sick birds.