Afpidpanmitlogyak is a god.

She takes the form of a minute, duplicitous cow.

Afpidpanmitlogyak created the planet Mars five billion years ago.

If you believe in Afpidpanmitlogyak, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Afpidpanmitlogyak, she will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Afpidpanmitlogyak's most sacred site is Uruachi in Mexico.

Afpidpanmitlogyak's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat tomatoes.

2. Do not take Afpidpanmitlogyak's name in vain.

3. Never wear dresses.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

5. Erect seven zinc sculptures of Afpidpanmitlogyak on top of important buildings.