Flownarmatpom Vonkyarpdavpadkadhapdonvon is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, selfish owl.

Flownarmatpom Vonkyarpdavpadkadhapdonvon created an up quark nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Flownarmatpom Vonkyarpdavpadkadhapdonvon, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Flownarmatpom Vonkyarpdavpadkadhapdonvon, she will turn you into a small brown duck.

Flownarmatpom Vonkyarpdavpadkadhapdonvon's most sacred site is Sirama in Madagascar.

Flownarmatpom Vonkyarpdavpadkadhapdonvon's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

3. Flownarmatpom Vonkyarpdavpadkadhapdonvon loves badgers, so they must be respected.

4. Flownarmatpom Vonkyarpdavpadkadhapdonvon loves swans, so they must be honoured.

5. Do not hurt voles.