Vegwanmif is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely large, unsympathetic coyote.

Vegwanmif created life five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Vegwanmif, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Vegwanmif, he will turn you into a snail.

Vegwanmif's most sacred site is Hongcun in China.

Vegwanmif's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Never bounce in the presence of great tits.

4. Do not shave your arms.

5. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.