Jarngiggar is a god.

It takes the form of an enormous, fussy raccoon.

Jarngiggar created humankind six million years ago.

If you believe in Jarngiggar, it will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Jarngiggar, it will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Jarngiggar's most sacred site is Vinezac in France.

Jarngiggar's Holy Commandments

1. Do not make images of living things.

2. Put Jarngiggar first in all things.

3. Do not chop down trees.

4. Erect a large copper sculpture of Jarngiggar on top of all buildings.

5. Walk at least eight thousand metres per day.