Tigfarnveen is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, clever fly.

Tigfarnveen created a quark five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tigfarnveen, he will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Tigfarnveen, he will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Tigfarnveen's most sacred site is Mazunte in Mexico.

Tigfarnveen's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear yellow.

2. Never feed wheat to great tits while wearing turquoise shorts.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Never paint your neck pink.

5. Always help sick moths.