Kophadzak is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely thin, compassionate dugong.

Kophadzak created an electron nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kophadzak, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Kophadzak, she will turn you into a puffin.

Kophadzak's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Kophadzak's Holy Commandments

1. You must love Kophadzak.

2. Always make sure there are no shrews in a room before entering it.

3. Never talk about turtles.

4. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

5. Never sit in holy places.