Vonkkadfed Lenzakfig is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely fat, proud gorilla.

Vonkkadfed Lenzakfig created an electron seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Vonkkadfed Lenzakfig, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Vonkkadfed Lenzakfig, it will turn you into a rock.

Vonkkadfed Lenzakfig's most sacred site is Amrit in Egypt.

Vonkkadfed Lenzakfig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

2. Never paint your arms black.

3. Never write about gravity.

4. Do not shave your face.

5. Never eat green fruit.