Hogruttkik is a god.

He takes the form of a very long, unjust dragon.

Hogruttkik created the planet Earth six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hogruttkik, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Hogruttkik, he will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Hogruttkik's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Hogruttkik's Holy Commandments

1. Hogruttkik loves bats, so they must be respected.

2. Always help manatees.

3. Do not trade with those who eat lentils.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.