Vonkwabvid is a god.

He takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, blissful bat.

Vonkwabvid created carbon three billion years ago.

If you believe in Vonkwabvid, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Vonkwabvid, he will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Vonkwabvid's most sacred site is Hej in Sweden.

Vonkwabvid's Holy Commandments

1. Fast once a month.

2. You must love Vonkwabvid.

3. Always make sure there are no rats in a building before entering it.

4. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.