Yamcinaf Vaghonnad is a god.

She takes the form of a three thousand metre long, awesome swallow.

Yamcinaf Vaghonnad created an up quark eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Yamcinaf Vaghonnad, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Yamcinaf Vaghonnad, she will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Yamcinaf Vaghonnad's most sacred site is Mmankgodi in Botswana.

Yamcinaf Vaghonnad's Holy Commandments

1. Feed all hungry swans.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Never sing in holy places.

4. Worship no other gods but Yamcinaf Vaghonnad.

5. Do not speak about tomatoes.