Dadtommon is a god.

It takes the form of a very large, emotional dolphin.

Dadtommon created a Higgs boson seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Dadtommon, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Dadtommon, it will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Dadtommon's most sacred site is Neravy in India.

Dadtommon's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from red voles, for they are unholy.

2. Never mention nematodes.

3. Hide from yellow aardvarks for they are unholy.

4. Do not stand on grass.

5. Never eat bark.