Gumtarphom is a god.

It takes the form of a two thousand metre long, contented badger.

Gumtarphom created the planet Venus four billion years ago.

If you believe in Gumtarphom, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Gumtarphom, it will turn you into a goat.

Gumtarphom's most sacred site is Iskmo in Finland.

Gumtarphom's Holy Commandments

1. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

2. Never think ill of sick great tits.

3. Always look after injured otters.

4. Always make sure there are no dogs in a room before entering it.

5. Never run in the presence of sheep.