Tabfunyam Larnqueegquim is a god.

She takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, astonishing hyena.

Tabfunyam Larnqueegquim created vertebrates three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tabfunyam Larnqueegquim, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Tabfunyam Larnqueegquim, she will try to impress you with rainbows.

Tabfunyam Larnqueegquim's most sacred site is Questenberg in Germany.

Tabfunyam Larnqueegquim's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about gravity.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Never go into red rooms.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Walk at least six thousand metres per day.