Fed is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely fat, slow horse.

Fed created Africa seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Fed, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Fed, it will turn you into a dog.

Fed's most sacred site is Hetta in Finland.

Fed's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink alcohol.

2. Do not covet oxen.

3. Hide if four snails approach from the north.

4. Never hurt turtles.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.